Who They'd Choose To Die
by Prongs312
Summary: If you were Ginny, would you pick Ron or Harry to die? If you were Hermione, would you pick Ginny or Ron? All very good questions which we shall answer through our Fan Fiction. Each chapter will face a choice! So enjoy!
1. Ginny Choosing Harry or Ron

**So, if you were Ginny, would you kill Ron or Harry? Let's see who she chooses...**

Voldemort: "Ginny Weasley! _You_ have to choose! Who lives? and who... DIES? Muahahaha!!!!"

Ginny: "What? Why me?!?"

Voldemort: "Cause I said so! And I'm the dark lord so I can do whatever I want! Now CHOOSE!!!"

Ginny: "Okay, I choose you to die."

Voldemort: "Umm, HELLO? No! I don't want to die."

Ginny: "Okay, than whom am I allowed to kill?

Voldemort: (smiles evilly) "Well...there's your brother Ron..."

Ginny: "Let me take a wild guess about the next one..."

Voldemort: "Or there's 'The chosen one'- 'the boy who lived'- the love of your life- Harry Potter!"

Ginny: "So I haveta choose between the two of them dying and living? Well, I say they both live!"

Voldemort: "Sorry darlin' one of them has to go. This fanfic just ain't big enough for the both of 'em! (smiles) Tough choice, hmm? Haha I love this!

Ginny: "Wait! Why are you making _me_ choose??"

Voldemort: "BECAUSE obviously! I wanna watch you suffer! "

Ron: "Ginny!!! It's okay, you can choose Harry and let me die!"

Harry: "What? No! Ginny, pick Ron. Let me die!"

Ron: "Ginny no! Think of how miserable you'll be without the love of your life!"

Harry: "It's okay, Ginny...he's your brother! You can't just let him die."

Ron: "Ginny, I'll pay you to kill me!!"

Harry: "Ron! Heyyyyyy Ginny...I can pay you more!! Cause I've got soooooo much more money than Ron does!!! Haha I'm rich and he's pooooooor!! ...Ginny, you see how horrible I am!?!? Don't you want me to DIE??"

Ron: "Ohhh my feelings hurt!! So much Ginny!!! Kill me to end this agony!!!"

Harry: "Haha I don't even care if your feelings are hurt! And if I don't die soon...(cough)...I might get even meaner..."

Ron: "No Ginny you can SAVE him! You can save his meaness!!! End _my_ aaaaaagony!"

Harry: "No Ron this is ridiculous!! Ginny, you know me, if you let Ron die then neither of us will ever forgive you! Just remember (sniffles) I love you...close your eyes, and tell Voldemort you freaking PICK ME!!!!!"

Ron: "Harry shut up!! Wait, are you getting annoyed at me?"

Harry: "You know I'm angry Ron!! When I'm angry I always type clearly and arrogantly!!! Obviously! How could you not get that?"

Ron: "...Huh????"

Harry: "...GINNY, PICK ME!!!!!!"

Ron: "Harry shut up!! Don't make me take my wand out on you!!!"

Harry: (pulls out his wand) "I didn't want to have to do this, Ron..."

Ron: "Do what? You couldn't curse a brick wall!"

Harry: "EXCUSE ME??? I'm a better wizard than you are with both my eyes closed! "

Ron: "Yeah but seeing as you have four all together..."

Harry: "Imperio! ...Let me die, Ron...you know you want to..."

Ron: "AHhhHHhh Sectumsempra! "

Harry: (blocks) it "Oh, I _know_ you didn't just try to use sectumsempra on me. "

Ron: "Watch out or I'll do it again! Wingardium Leviosa!"

Harry: "Ron! AHHhhhAHhh! Crucio!!"

Ron: "Common Harry, is that all you got?? Expeliarmus!"

Harry: "I'M MAD AT YOU RON! VERY ARROGANT AND CLEAR TYPING GOING ON NOW!!"

Ron: "Harry you're talking crazy again! It makes sense though. You've always been a stupid, scar faced, LINK LICKER!!!!!"

Harry: "AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!!!!!!!!! (pants)"

Ron: (dies)

Harry: "Haha! I win!!!! I get to die and Ron DOSEN'T!!!! ...wait..."

Ginny: "Hey, Voldemort, I've decided Harry should die."

**Oh that Ginny. Tune in next time for Who they'd choose to die! **


	2. Hermione Choosing Harry or Ron

**Before we get started, I would just like to thank 'fluffy kitten' for your wonderful review! I learned so much from it! Firstly, I learned that even though people like Christopher Marlow****, Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, Sophocles, and ****Shakespeare didn't write in "normal story format," I have been stupid for doing so. I also learned that my humor is "nonsensical****" (oh, I'm really feeling the burn now). To that, my reply is...DUH! And finally, I "don't seen to have a grasp of the fact that fan fiction tends to include the personalities of the characters I take from books." I am so sorry, because I was trying so hard! Really, I've always thought that Harry would be stupid enough to kill Ron so he could die! (Common, FK, did you really think I was being serious? That's just sad.)  
**

**For those of you who don't get it, I'm basically laughing at this reviewer. Heres what I say to you: I may make you laugh with my pointless fan fictions, but you make me laugh with your pointless reviews. Really, do you have nothing better to do with your time than read something you don't like? I'm not one to laugh at peoples social lives, but in this case, I may make an exception... **

Voldemort: "Glad you got that out of your system Hannah. Ehem! Hermione! Your turn now! Harry or Ron? CHOOSE!"

Hermione: "Um...what??"

Voldemort: "I'm asking you! For some reason, you have control over my judgment, so choose who dies! Harry or Ron?"

Hermione: "I can't choose between Harry and Ron!!!"

Voldemort: "Fine, then I'll kill them both. Say goodbye to the love of your life and the boy who's _**just your friend.**_ (The second one's Harry)."

Hermione: "Wait!! Can I at least talk to them first?"

Voldemort: "Fine. But quickly! That way you cant (clears throat) do anything. Remember, it takes ten minutes!"

Hermione: "...O..kay. Can I talk to Ron then? Um...alone? For...five minutes?"

Voldemort: "Fine, fine. Grease said it takes 5 minutes, but what do I care? Have fun."

Ron: "Yes!"

Hermione: "Ron..."

Ron: "Come Hermione! Let's go 'talk' about your predicament!"

(they walk away)

Hermione: "RON, this is serious. Listen, Voldemort wants me to pick either you or Harry to die."

Ron: "Yeah, so let's hurry up so I can make the best defense!"

Hermione: "I know you're going to try and get me to pick you to die, but Ron, I don't know if I can stand- wait, what?"

Ron: "Why would you pick me to die?!"

Hermione: "Don't you want...wait...you want me to pick Harry?"

Ron: "Umm, yeah! Do you really want me to be in Heaven imagining what you and Harry are doing?! Plus, I'm too young to die!"

Hermione: "Actually, Ron, Harry's younger than you are. Besides, I would never- you really want me to pick Harry?!" 

Ron: "Think about it like this: Without me, you wouldn't have a devilishly handsome boyfriend to do naughty things with! And the little hero over there would tell you the same thing. Honestly, Hermione, I worry about you sometimes!"

Hermione: "No, Ron, YOU think about it like THIS. Do I really want a boyfriend who would watch his best friend die? And 'the hero over there' would do anything to stop me from picking you to die. Honestly, Ron, I feel sorry for you!"

Ron: "...Hermione, you look _so_ pretty today!"

Hermione: "I don't even know what to say to you right now..."

Ron: "Common Hermione, I know Harry's awesome and stuff, but has he ever said you were pretty?"

Hermione: (thinks about it) "Actually, yes he has."

Ron: "What?? Screw Voldemort, I'm ganna go kill him myself!"

Hermione: "Other people are allowed to think I'm pretty. Even if I don't pick you to die, Ron, I might have to break up with you for Victor again. I bet HE would rather die than watch his friend die..."

Ron: "Well, then I'd kill Victor too. And sure Harry can _think_ it, I mean, who wouldn't? (Winks) But he's not aloud to _say it!"_

Hermione: "Awwww...wait! That's not cute at all!"

Ron: "Common Hermione! Just look and my yittle face! You can't help but 'awww' I'm so cute!"

Hermione: "Ron, we only have two minutes left."

Ron: "Damn, we'll haveta settle for a snog then..." (tries to snog Hermione)

Hermione: "STOP!"

(Pauses)

Ron: "Hermione here! I have a present for you!"

Hermione: "What?! Why would I want a present at a time like this? Wait, okay, what is it?"

Ron: "Look!" (holds out his hand to reveal a little pink thing)

Hermione: "Um..what is it?"

Ron: "It's a miniature flamingo of course!"

Hermione: "..."

Ron: "Isn't it cute? I bet you Harry never got you a miniature flamingo!"

Hermione: "Where the hell did you get a miniature flamingo?"

Ron: "Ha, that's not all I have! Look at _this!_ (Ron holds out his hand again too reveal a little black and white thing)

Hermione: "Um...???"

Ron: "It's a miniature penguin!"

(Hermione looks at the penguin and holds out her hand)

(Ron gives her the penguin and the flamingo)

Ron: "Just think Hermione, if you keep me around, you could have a whole miniature bird collection! Wouldn't that be _awesome?_"

Hermione: (puts the penguin and the flamingo in her pocket) "You're on!!!"

Ron: "Yes! Miniature penguins rule!"

Hermione: "I love him, Ron!!!! I love my miniature penguin!!!!!!"

Ron: "...crap, what have I done? I'm still the cutest right??"

Hermione: "No, but you're a little bit hotter."

Ron: "(sighs) When will I ever been cuter than Harry?!"

Ginny: (From NOWHERE) "Never!"

Hermione: "Penguins...hmmm...I think they live in Antarctica."

Ron: "I don't live in Antarctica! I could never live away from you! Even for all the penguins in the world!"

(Ron hides his plain ticket to Antarctica)

Hermione: "Well, Ron, we've got about 10 seconds left."

Ron: "It may take ten minutes to fulfill my dream, but it only takes 2 seconds to snog."

Harry: "Hey you guys! I just killed Voldemort! Now none of us have to die- isn't that great? Oh, and Hermione, I got you a present. It was going to be a goodbye present since I was going to make you pick me so Ron could live of course, Ron, I'm sure you'd do the same thing for me, but well...here. (hands Hermione a penguin) I know how much you love penguins, of course..."

Hermione: "Ohhhhhhh!!!!! (grabs the penguin from Harry and walks away)

(Ron glares at Harry)

Harry: "What is it, Ron? ...Oh, of course, you want a present too, don't you?"

Ron: (shouting after Hermione) "Don't forget, I gave you a flamingo too! Plus, I knew he'd live! I just wanted to distract you so Voldemort wouldn't realize anything was up! Hermione wait! (to Harry) Sorry mate, but you told her she was pretty."

(Ron runs away from Harry)

Harry: "...I'm so confused!"

**Till next time! I will, unfortunately and undoubtedly, have to deal with more pointless reviews, but I promise, I'll make my next rebutt****al shorter!**


	3. Ron Choosing Hermione or Ginny

**Okay so, the co-author of this fan fiction and myself realized that we're going on vacation for three weeks and wont be able to post anything until then, at least. So you get one of the best chapters we've ever written. Hope it lasts three weeks!  
**

Chapter 3!

_Ron Choosing Hermione or Ginny._

Voldemort: "Okay now, Ron, it's your turn! Hermione or Ginny?"

Ron: "_Finally! _Now my life doesn't hang in balance! Finally I have...POWER!"

Voldemort: "Um...um...but you don't have the special wand! And that's all that matters!"

Ron: "Whatever! Least it's not me who's ganna die in this episode

Voldemort: "But you have to choose! Would you rather be responsible for the death of your amazing, penguin-obsessed girlfriend or your one and only little sister? Pick!"

Ron: "Pick? What happened to choose? Choose sounds so much more masculine."

Voldemort: "I used choose already! I'm not going to use it twice! I have a very expansive vocabulary!"

Hermione: "Mhm...right..."

Ron: "But! But! Everyone else got to _choose._ Why do I have to _pick?_"

Voldemort: "Choose, pick, select, prefer, wish, want, decide on, discriminate between... "But I have a problem. I'd choose, decide, select on, and discriminate Ginny but I'd pick, prefer, wish and want Hermione (winks).

Ginny: "Ron, just shut up and pick Hermione to live, okay?"

Hermione: "Ron, don't. From now on you have to pick, prefer, wish and...I guess not want Ginny, but you'll...(tries not to cry) you'll find someone else to want..."

Ginny: "I'm not even going to argue about this. Ron, use your brain. Without Hermione, your sperm will go to waste."

Harry: (comes out of nowhere) "Ginny! Stop trying to convince him to pick you. He's not going to pick you! (to Ron) You're not, right?"

Hermione: "No he's not! He's picking ME."

Ron: "I'm not picking anyone! It's _choosing_ remember?!"

Hermione: "Honestly, Ron, they mean the same thing!"

Ron: "Wow, Hermione, you look _so_ good in this light!"

Harry: "But who looks better...Hermione or me?"

Ron: "Hmm...wait. Harry, that was really disturbing."

Harry: "But you had to think about it!"

Ginny: "Harry, what does your hotness have to do with Ron killing me off?"

Harry: "Ron's not killing you off! I'm too hot to argue with and he knows it."

Ginny: "This is true..."

Hermione: (gets an IDEA!) "Yeah, you are..."

Harry: "What?!"

Ron: "What?!"

Hermione: "Come on, Ron, you know it's true. Don't even lie. He's pretty damn hot..."

(Ron falls to his knees)

Harry: (catches on) "Hey...Hermione...voulez-vous couche avec moi ce soir?"

Ginny: "What?! Harry, that's OUR line! "

Hermione: "What's it mean?"

Ginny: "No! Say no Hermione!"

Harry: "Say YES...You know you want to."

(Ginny falls to her knees)

Hermione: "But what's it mean? I'm sure it's a yes, whatever it is..."

Ron: "Please, relax Ginny. It probably means do you wanna get cheese with me or something."

(Ginny whispers in his ear what it really means)

Ron: "What! Harry! Keep your sperm away from her!!!"

Harry: "It MEANS 'Do you want to sleep with me tonight?' Honestly, Hermione, how do you not know that? Haven't you heard Lady Marmalade? Some people...I mean...(flutters his eyelashes)"

Hermione: "Ohhh...wellllllll Harry...if Ron doesn't kill me off...I might have to think about it."

Ron: "...fudge."

Ginny: "Just do it Ron. It has to be done."

Harry: "So...Hermione, if you don't die, are we on for tonight?"

(Ron plugs his ears)

Hermione: "Ron, why haven't you picked me yet?!"

Harry: "Yeah, Ron, why haven't you picked her yet!?"

Ron: "Everyone stop!! I've picked! I know who's going to die!"

Ginny: "...chosen...you've chosen…not picked…."

Ron: "Shut up!"

Hermione: "...You don't want to live with me and Harry together for the rest of our lives...ew...I mean..."

Harry: "Hermione, shut up. Ron...who is it?"

(Ron walks slooowly past them all right up to Voldemort)

Voldemort: "...Well? Have you picked?"

(Ron nods)

Hermione: "RON, YOU'RE WAY HOTTER THAN HARRY! (has a coughing fit)"

(Ron smiles a little but quickly hides it)

Voldemort: "Well?"

(Ron sloooooooowly...very slooowly lifts up his hand and points to his right...towards...Hermione...!)

Harry: "Awwww...welll...nice knowing you!!"

Hermione: "...Thanks...you too...?"

Voldemort: "First one of you lot that I've gotten a straight answer out of! "

(Voldemort raises his wand)

(Ron turns to look at Hermione and winks at her)

Hermione: "Ron?? "

Voldemort: "Avada-"

(Suddenly, Ron JUMPS in front of Hermione and kisses her!)

Voldemort: "-Kedavra!"

(Green flash)

(Ron falls over)

Hermione: "(screams)"

Voldemort: "Um, what?"

Ginny: "Just go before you die too."

Hermione: "I'm not going anywhere."

Ginny: "I was talking to Voldemort..."

Harry: "...Too late! AVADA KEDAVRA!"

(Voldemort dies)

Ron: (while dying) "Harry, why the hell didn't you do that before?"

Harry: "Sorry mate, I didn't think of it! We already used that one!"

Ron: "Right..."

Hermione: "...Harry, I will absolutely not sleep with you tonight. Désolé, mais Ron est plus mignon que vous."

Ron: "Hermione I'm dying! Speak English!"

(She said "Sorry, but Ron's just too cute.)

Ginny: "Ron...how the hell are you still talking? Avada Kadavera is the instant killing curse."

Ron: "Shut up Ginny! It's more dramatic this way."

Ginny: "Humph, I bet you didn't even do that on purpose. You just saw Hermione and you were like wow...I'd better snog her before she dies...whoops!"

Ron: "It was a little of both. But really, can you blame me?"

(Ron gasps dramatically)

Hermione: (crying) "Ron, you know I'd never really sleep with Harry, right?"

Ron: "I know. It's al... (his voice becomes faint) it's alright."

Hermione: "Wait..."

Harry: "Oh good lord."

Ginny: "Harry, why isn't he dead yet?"

Harry: "I don't know...this is weird, right? He should be dead! (to Ron) No offence, mate."

(Ron groooooans deeply)

Ron: "Hermione...I can hardly see you anymore...such a shame..."

Hermione: (laughs and cries at the same time) "Maybe I should come closer then... (snogs him)"

(Ginny suddenly spots a dead bee on the ground. A bee in perfect condition...not squished or old or drowned...a bee that shouldn't be dead...)

Harry: "Hey Ginny...what's that you have there?"

Ginny: "Ron you idiot! You're not dying!! "

Hermione: "Um...wait...WHAT?"

Ron: "(sits up)Wait! Ginny's delusional! I'm dying, give me my last snog Hermione, please!"

Ginny: "The curse hit this bee you jerk! How could you do this to us? to Hermione?!"

Harry: (stares at the bee) "Oh, Ron...that's low...even for you..."

Hermione: (smacks Ron)

Ron: "Ouch! Hey, I just saved your damn life! "

Hermione: "A BEE saved my life, Ron Weasley!! He beat you to it! (runs over to the bee) I'm sorry, little bee! I'm so sorry..."

Ron: "Hermione no! I saved you and the bee saved me!"

Hermione: (glares) "Yeah, but you pretended you were dying!"

Ron: "Well, I wasn't totally pretending! I only figured out I wasn't when you came so close to me! I just then realized my body was responding way too well for me to be dead..."

Harry: "This'll take a while. Hey Ginny, voulez-vous couche avec moi ce soir?"

Ginny: "Ohhhh wee wee monsieur!"

(They leave)

Ron: "This is ridiculous! I try and redeem myself from the last chapter, and suddenly everyone hates me because I try and get with my girl! Well, in case you haven't noticed Hermione, Your drop dead _gorgeous_ and I bloody love you so I'm sorry I have hormones alright?!"

Hermione: "Well, that was pretty hot."

Ron: "Me saving you life?"

Hermione: "...Whatever you want to call it."

Ron: "Well I was brave right?"

Hermione: "Yes..."

Ron: "Yup, that's right. (Puts his arm around Hermione and walks away with her) I know how to treat my woman."


	4. Harry Choosing Ron or Hermione

Chapter 4!

Voldemort: "Okay, I refuse to die this time! Harry, pick Ron or Hermione to die, and no funny business."

Harry: "...Why Voldemort, you look so pretty today."

Voldemort: "Why thank you! I am using this new mascara and can you believe it never clumps? That's one problem outa the way, now all there's left is you. Choose dammit!"

Harry: "Well, it really does wonders for your eyes. They were always so small and red and squinty..."

Ginny: "Watch it, Harry."

Harry: "Just saying..."

Voldemort: "We'll leave this eye conversation for after one of them dies. Focus Harry. I know I'm hotter than Ginny, but focus!"

Harry: "Ummmm...let me think..."

Hermione: "Hey Ron, he's going to kill one of us any second..."

Ron: (with his eyes closed) "Rubber ducks, laundry, sponge bob square pants, Quiddich..."

Hermione: "Ron? I said 'He's going to kill one of us any second'."

Ron: (Closes eyes tighter) "American History! Clocks! Mother Teresa! Light bulbs!"

Ginny: "Well, that isn't weird at all."

Hermione: "So...umm...why aren't you trying to snog me one last time?"

Ron: "Ahhhh you said the 'S' word! You broke my concentration!"

Hermione: "Concentration on WHAT exactly?"

Ron: "Anything but you! Or any other particularly attractive girl."

Hermione: "Wow, Ron...that's so not like you..."

Ron: "Well, I'm making a new me. With a brand new reputation."

Hermione: "So that means...no more...wait, Ron, I'm not sure I get this..."

Ron: "Shhhh!! (Closes eyes again)"

Ginny: "Remember last chapter? He's trying to prove he doesn't haveta snog every second of his life."

Hermione: "But...he DOES have to snog every second of his life..."

Ron: "Garbage cans, chairs, school books...crap! Hermione, get out of my head!"

Harry: "Hey Voldemort with the cash to burn! I'm selling something you won't return. Hey Voldemort, take me off the shelf! Cause it's hard having fun playing with yourself...Once you've browsed through the whole selection, shake those hips in my direction! A prettier package you never did see- take me home and then unwrap me, shop around, Little Darlin' I got to be Voldemort's choice! Voldemort's choiceeeeee!!"

Ginny: "Harry! What are you doing?"

Harry: "I'm not getting enough attention!"

Ron: "Ginny! Ginny, you don't make me want to snog! Come sit by your favorite brother, and let Harry have Voldemort, who he really wants."

Hermione: "But-"

(Ginny comes and sits next to Ron)

Ginny: "Hey Ron! So what you wanna do?"

Ron: "Let's talk about stuff that doesn't have to do with snogging."

Ginny: "Like what?"

Ron: "...you're supposed to be helping!"

Hermione: "Can't we just...I don't know...not do this whole snogging withdrawal thing?"

Ron: "No! I have to prove that I can do this! I have to prove that I didn't just save your life because I wanted to get one last snog in! Or that I'll even pretend to be dying to get something from you!"

Harry: "...HEY VOLDEMORT, LISTEN TO MY PLEA! I come with a lifetime guarantee! And one day, maybe, we'll find a baby makes three Voldemort's choice! I'm Volde-emort's choice! Voldemort's choiceeee! I'm Voldemort's choice choice choice, I'm Voldemort's choice!"

Voldemort: "Harry, that's really getting old. Just shut up, I wanna see how long it takes Ron to crack!"

Hermione: "But, Ron, you did pretend to be dying. That's just who you are!"

Ron: "No, I thought I was dying until we started snogging!"

Harry: "Oh good lord. We don't need to hear this, Ron! Go back to your school books and light bulbs and rubber ducks, and then maybe everyone will pay me a little more attention! Don't you want to see who I pick to die?"

(Ron falls over in agony)

Ron: "Oh just pick me! My life's useless without snogging! Just end my misery!"

Hermione: "Ron, shut up."

Ron: "I can't, I've got nothing better to do with my mouth!"

Hermione: "UghhH! Harry, just pick me, and then Ron might get over this pathetic snogging obsession he has."

Ron: "Don't bother. I'm pretty sure I'm dying anyways! Ahhhh, my whole life is flashing before my eyes! ...getting dark..."

Hermione: "Don't say that!"

Ginny: "Whoa, he's going all pale!"

(Ron gives a few pathetic coughs)

Hermione: "What are we going to do?!"

Voldemort: "I've seen this before. I tried the whole snogging withdrawal thing, and look what it did to me...poor Ron...I guess if I die this chapter, he could take my pale mascara wearing place."

Harry: "So, Ginny, I'm so glad we don't have problems like these."

Hermione: "Ron is NOT going to turn into a pale mascara wearer! Ron...? We know your whole life isn't about snogging, okay? You were just trying to save my life in the last chapter, I get it...you don't have to prove anything."

Ron: "Hermione, you're all fuzzy...but you're still sooo pretty..."

Harry: "WHOA that's a good line!"

Ron: (reaches for Hermione) "...goodbye..."

Hermione: "I feel like this same thing has happened before."

Voldemort: "Hermione no! He's not pretending! He's not technically dying, but he'll end up like me! His _soul_ is dying! Save him!"

Hermione: "But I can't!"

Voldemort: "...okay! So Harry, you want me to just kill Ron off seeing as he's going to be like me for the rest of his life anyways?"

Harry: "Good point."

Hermione: "Harry! He's going to get through this. People get withdrawal of stuff all the time."

Ginny: "Hey Harry? If I'm ever on the ground dying or whatever, promise you'll just suck it up and kiss me?"

Harry: "Of course."

Hermione: " But what if every time someone had heroin withdrawal they just did some more? Besides, you don't end up like Voldemort just because you haven't snogged someone in a few days.

Ginny: "Ummm Hermione? Snogging's not heroine. It's way better for your heart. Oh, there goes Ron."

(Ron floats into the air and in an Explosion of LIGHT and Ron floats back down all pail and red eyed and Voldemort looking)

Ron: (in a raspy voice) "Hey Voldemort...got any mascara I can use?"

Hermione: "...AAAAaaahhahhahhahhhhaaaaaa!!asnkdlaksdlksa;dlaskaofkdajfidaksi!!"

Voldemort: "Here you go! Just give it back, queen Latifah gave it to me."

Harry: "WOW! Can you introduce me? I love her!"

Voldemort: "Only if you pick Hermione to die."

Ron: "...Hermione?...die?"

Hermione: "Yeah, pick me to die! Or else I'll just end up like them. Because that's what happens when you don't get snogged."

Voldemort: "Okay, say bye bye Hermione!"

Ron: "No wait! Don't kill her!"

Voldemort: "Ron, she doesn't want you anymore! She did this to you! She had her chance to snog you, and you didn't. She doesn't want something like you!"

Harry: "K...Hermione, I'm sorry...I think I have to pick you to die. I really want to meet Queen Latifah."

Hermione: "Okay."

Ron: "Wait!"

Hermione: "Wait, what?"

Voldemort: "What??"

Harry: "What? Ron?"

Ron: "If you're going to die..." (Walks towards her)

Voldemort: "Ron..."

Hermione: "Voldemort...shut up..."

Ron: "...I have to say goodbye...properly."

Hermione: "What happened to rubber ducks and light bulbs?"

Ron: "They all reminded me of you anyways.

Hermione: "You're adorable. Even in back and white with mascara..."

Ron: "I didn't even put any on yet, they're just naturally amazing!"

Hermione: "Oh, wow! I never even noticed that!"

Ron: "You know what I noticed?"

Hermione: "Hmm…?"

Ron: "…I hate snogging withdrawals..."

Hermione: "Yeah...me too…"

(Pause)

Voldemort: "Oh just do it already!"

(Hermione kisses him)

(Ron gets all colorful again!)

Harry: "Voldemort, if that's all it takes, why haven't you turned back?"

Voldemort: "Well, I don't have a true love like Hermione to snog me and change me back."

Queen Latifah: "I'll do it!"

Harry: "But! Well. Okay fine, I guess you don't even know me."

Ginny: "Hey Harry...I'm dying over here and the only thing that can cure me is..."

Harry: "Voulez-vous couche avec moi ce soir!"

Harry: (goes and snogs Ginny.)

Voldemort: "Hey mother hen, let's do this!"

Queen Latifah: "Um...actually, no thanks."

Voldemort: "What! Why does everyone get a happy ending but me?"

Harry: "Sorry, Voldemort...maybe next time set your sights a lot lower."

Ginny: "Poor Voldemort! Maybe I could do you the favor."

Harry: "What! No! I'll do it! I mean I am his choice after all."

Voldemort: "Okay, but make it fast!"

Harry: "... (Whispers to Ginny) Let's just leave."

Ginny: "No! I feel sorry for him!"

(Ginny runs over, grabs Queen Latifah, pushes her at Voldemort who starts snogging her and magically becomes handsome again)

Queen Latifah: "Give me my mascara! Actually you can keep it!

Voldemort: "Now that I'm handsome, one way or another, you WILL be mine!"

Harry: ……Avada Kadavra!

Queen Latifah: "Thanks Harry."

THE END!!


End file.
